


Send the pain below

by MonalisaMontauk



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Breaking Up & Making Up, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light Angst, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, does not expect buckys response, not very descriptive though, steve and bucky have a complicated friendship? or relationship?, steve tries end whatever it is bucky and him are doing, tagging just in case, vague reference to suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-04-25 09:19:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4954864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonalisaMontauk/pseuds/MonalisaMontauk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is not going to lie when he says him and Bucky Barnes have a complicated friendship? Or Relationship? Steve still has not figure that one out yet. It makes his brain hurt when he thinks about it. He know whatever it is has to end before he gets hurt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Send the pain below

**Author's Note:**

> Look at me trying to write an angsty stucky fic instead a sweet sappy one. Your feedback is much appreciated.Seeing how this my first time trying to write something sad. I tried to tag accordingly but if I miss something please let me know. Once again your comments and kudos give me life. 
> 
> My [tumblr](monalisamontauk.tumblr.com)

The rain is pounding against Steve’s windows as he is getting ready for bed. He takes a peek outside his window to watch the rain. He sees a figure under the tree by his house staring up at him. Steve sighs and shakes his head nope not going to happen.

“No! It is not going to happen.” Steve yells like Bucky can hear him.

Bucky is staring up at his window pathetically.

“Forget about it.No.” He says with vigorous head shake.

Bucky continues to stare up at him dejected.

“Don’t give me that look,” Steve says with an exasperated tone.

He sees Bucky is shivering in the pouring rain. Steve exhales loudly and unlocks his window. He gives Bucky the signal for him to climb up. Steve is not going to lie when he says him and Bucky Barnes have a complicated friendship? Or Relationship? Steve still has not figure that one out yet. It makes his brain hurt when he thinks about it.

* * *

 

It all started in the sixth grade when Steve was walking home from the library and he saw Bucky Barnes sitting under a tree at the park. He was sporting a black eye and busted lip. Steve offered to help clean up his face, to which Bucky kindly replied fuck off. Steve was damned determined to patch him up.

Finally Bucky relented and let Steve lead him home.Where he gave Bucky ice for his eye and lip. Steve tenderly wiped the blood off Bucky’s face, which left Bucky looking at Steve very confused. He fed him a snack and they hung out for a couple of hours, when Bucky finally confessed to Steve that his dad started drinking heavily and hitting him after his ma and little sister were killed in a car accident when Bucky was 9. He blames Bucky for it.

So Bucky left that day with his eye and lips not as swollen and a full belly. Steve tried talking him at school the day after to see how he was doing. That was a big mistake. Bucky totally ragged on him in front of his friends. It was really hard for Steve not to punch Bucky. He kept his cool but it still hurt. He thought him and Bucky could possibly be friends. Later that day, Steve was in his room drawing when he heard a tap at his window. It was Bucky, he came to apologize about how he treated Steve. He told Steve they could be friends here but not at school. That’s when their complicated friendship started.

* * *

 

At school they acted like strangers. Bucky would walk down the hallways with his friends a not even sparing a glance to Steve. It was like he was invisible. The only time Steve was not invisible was when Bucky’s friend would harass him and try to make his life miserable. Bucky would call Steve a few mean names because after all he had a reputation to maintain. When he arrived at Steve’s place he was always remorseful and always had Steve’s favorite candy starbursts. It was then he flick off his cocky asshole persona and shows the kind of guy he really was a sweetheart.

Steve saw the real Bucky Barnes when it was just him and Bucky. He knew Bucky was a science nerd. He loved outer space and Math. Steve was getting a good grade in Math thanks to Bucky. It hurts to know that Bucky isn’t using his full potential. Steve loved to see Bucky’s sweet and vulnerable side. This is who Bucky was he was not some asshole womanizer. He understood the whole kissing different girls every week because if his dad detected Bucky might like boys it wouldn’t end well for Bucky. His dad found any little reason to be pissed at Bucky. Just an excuse to rough him up. It was nights like these where Bucky made his way to Steve’s house.

Whenever Bucky’s dad would hit him or drink a lot he would head to Steve’s house. He usually spent the night a couple nights a week. By dawn he was gone and they went back to being strangers. He started out sleeping on the floor of Steve’s room. Somehow he moved to sleeping with Steve in his bed. Then thats when things started getting a little weird. The first time Bucky shared a bed with Steve, that following morning Steve woke up to Bucky’s face buried in his neck and his arms wrapped around his tiny waist. Steve was very confused because friends don’t snuggle with each other right?

He didn’t really have anything to compare it to because well Steve didn’t have very many friends or any at all. The snuggling ended up turning into kisses. Bucky was the one who initiated that first kiss when they were fourteen. It started off innocent enough. Those innocent kisses eventually turn into more things of a sexual nature. That didn’t happen until recently. Better to end it now before he was into deep. Steve felt that he was getting deeper.

* * *

 

 

“Hey Stevie,” Bucky greets with a bloody smile and bruised face as he hops in through the window drenched from the rain.

Steve just hands him a towel to dry off.“What you do this time?”

Bucky takes it gratefully before answering. “His dinner was not ready on time” he says with an eye roll.

Bucky heads to the bathroom to change out of his wet clothes. He comes out in nothing but his underwear no longer weary of Steve seeing his scars. He puts on some sweats that he left at Steve’s place. Steve is sitting on the edge of the bed waiting. Bucky is all ready to crawl into bed when Steve stops him.

“I think its best if you slept on the floor tonight Buck.” Steve says with an even tone.

Bucky’s smiles turns into confusion, “What are you talking about Stevie?”

Steve licks his lips “I can’t keep doing this anymore. Its better if you just slept on the floor. We go back to how it use to be.”

Bucky frowns, “But why?”

Steve sighs, “Because I can’t keep doing this anymore.”

“Doing what?”

“This,” Steve gestures to him and Bucky.

“It’s too painful.” Steve says quietly.

“But…But I like you.” Bucky says softly.

Steve with a pained expression “I like you too Buck which is why this has to end now. It fucking hurts to watch you at school making out with different girls every week. I understand why because of your dad. Your friends treat me like shit. I feel like your dirty little secret. It needs to end.” Steve says with a broken tone.

Steve can see Bucky is trying blink back the tears. He feels awful but its better this way.

“You can still come here when your dad’s being a dick. Just the kissing, cuddling and the other stuff has got to end.” He says trying to keep his voice even.

Bucky wipes his nose and sniffles.“But you make me happy. You’re the only good thing in my life.” He says as his voice cracks. “You’re the one thing thats constant and safe. You’ve kept me from dropping off the Brooklyn Bridge.” Bucky bursts into tears.

Steve feels his tears coming too because he feels like an asshole. Bucky is standing there wounded and in tears and its all because of Steve.

“I’m sorry Steve, I’ll stop kissing girls and taking them out. I’ll get my friends to back off. Just please don’t end this.”Bucky pleaded.

Bucky kneels down and sobs into Steve’s lap. Begging and pleading not to end this. Steve can’t help but cry too. He doesn’t want this to end but it’s the right thing to do. Right? Now he’s second guessing his decision to end things. He didn’t think Bucky would take it this hard. He thought Bucky didn’t care about him as much as he cared about Bucky. Turns out he was wrong.

“This is for the best Buck. We can still be friends.” Steve voices cracks.

The tears are streaming down his face. He’s trying to hold it together. Bucky is still sobbing uncontrollably when he tries to speak not looking at Steve.“I don’t want to be your friend. You don’t think I want to be able hold your hand and kiss you in front of everyone. I’m the happiest when I’m sleeping next to you.”

Steve shocked by Bucky’s omission starts softly stroking Bucky’s hair and murmuring, Shhh… repeatedly trying to calm him down. Bucky is still shaking in his lap.

“Look at me Bucky.” Bucky shakes his head and continues to weep.

“You need to calm down Bucky and take a deep breathe.” Steve says softly and sweetly.

Bucky looks up at him with his tear streaked face, red rimmed eyes and runny nose trying to even his breathing. Steve grabs the Kleenex box from his nightstand and hands them to Bucky. Bucky takes a few to wipe his nose and another for his face. Steve grabs a couple and tries to compose himself. Bucky heads to the bathroom to clean off his face leaving a sorrowful Steve behind.Wondering whether or not to get the floor ready for Bucky. He couldn’t do that to him not tonight.

A few minutes later Bucky exits the bathroom looking drained and defeated. His eyes still red rimmed from the tears he had shed minutes ago. Steve is standing there awkwardly unsure of what to say or do.

“Can I please have a second chance?” Bucky says with a pitiful look.

Steve sighs heavily and nods “Sure Buck.”

Bucky gives him a genuine smile and hugs Steve. He buries his face in Steve’s neck while Steve gently strokes his back. After a few minutes Steve tells him lets get to bed. Steve climbs into bed and gets under the covers. Bucky follows suit climbing in next to him. He gives Steve a peck on the cheek then lays his head on Steve’s chest and snuggles in tighter to him. Its like Steve is sleeping with an octopus. So Steve shuts off the light and whispers good night.

He lays awake listening to the rain hit the windows and Bucky’s soft snores. His mind is on overdrive thinking of tonight’s events. The way Bucky acted when Steve told him about ending whatever it was between them. He didn’t expect Bucky to react that way. It threw him for a loop. So Bucky was in just as deep as Steve was, possibly more. He couldn’t help but feel there was an unspoken I love you. They could make this work they just had too. Only two years left of high school. Steve eventually feels his eyes start to get heavy and he succumbs to sleep.

_Things could only get better from here. Right?_

**Author's Note:**

> Famous last words right?
> 
>  


End file.
